The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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