He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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