I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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