The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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