It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
