pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
