WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My ass is underappreciated
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
