i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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