my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
