phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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