I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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