Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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