i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
