Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
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Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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