look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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