I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
