I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
