i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
