i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
