No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i would punch a child for taco bell
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
