dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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