I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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