Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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