oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
