My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
