i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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