I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
