I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I am one with the molecules
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
