can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
And then my night got REAL pukey
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
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