dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
