Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Randomize
