lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
