I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
