between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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