I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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