he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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