and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
