Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
