We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
