Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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