Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
