Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
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Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
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I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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