Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
