i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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