how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
