Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
