Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
