Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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