My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
