If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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