yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
