What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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