there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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