It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
