There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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