Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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