Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
