youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
