how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
