Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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