If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
