The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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