if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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