I want to stick my p in your. b.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
