I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
