Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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