Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
