How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
