Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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