I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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