I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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