I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
