There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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