Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
